Southern Maryland Mail Update

I just got home from grocery shopping, and as I was putting away the massive amount of Archer Farms cereal (it was 3 boxes for 5 dollars!) I saw the mail truck pull up to the bank of mail boxes- this was exactly 2:41 pm. I mention this, because when I walked out to get my mail, there were two junk flyers and this week's Sports Illustrated. Usually my SI shows up on Thursday, but this week? Saturday afternoon. I know I've complained about the post office here before, but why am I bringing it up now? Because here's this week's issue:That's right, the 2007 NFL draft preview. When it made it to my house, the draft had been underway for almost 4 hours. Thanks for that timely update. And as of right now, we're halfway through the first round, and Notre Dame golden boy Brady Quinn still hasn't been taken, and that makes me smile.

In other news, it's a beautiful day here today. Have a great weekend everyone!

Everything to Everyone

I've loved Barenaked Ladies (the band, I mean) for years, but I never really got into their album Everything for Everyone that came out waaay back in 2003. I gave it a few listens, loved "Another Postcard" but nothing else caught my attention, and I moved on. Now, true to form I have rediscovered the album 3 and a half years later and I'm hooked on it. In any case, when I (Kate) bought it, it looked like this: I liked the cover- I figured that the blank flag was a play off of the title, the joke being that they were a clean slate and didn't have a particular agenda- meaning they could be whatever anyone wanted.

Now, last weekend I figured out (Howard told me) how to add album art to my iPod. When I play the album, it shows up as this: Much more descriptive, yes, but it sort of ruins the whole implied joke. Of course, it's entirely possible that I imagined the joke to begin with. Am I way off base here?

And for the record, if you haven't listened to the album then you really should. The tracks I'm hooked on are:
2. Maybe Katie- A catchy song, but I like the bridge the best.
3. Another Postcard- Fun-loving, toungue in cheek BNL brilliance.
5. For You- Sweet, sad lyrics that seem drawn from experience.
8. Upside Down- The type of finely crafted, non-radio friendly gem that the group is famous for.

Pirated Anecdotes

It's been a little hard to come up with posts lately, because let's face it- my life doesn't exactly generate interesting stories on a daily basis. It's a lot easier when life throws me gems that basically write themselves, but when I'm having a nice, mundane Office Space like week, I can always steal stories from my friends.

So here are some selections from our lunchtime conversations last week that were worth relaying. Remember, this is second hand, so all details are approximate.

It started with talk of Dana's impending baby shower- she commented that she was ready for a barrage of flame-retardant pajamas. That lead me to ask why kid's clothes are fire proof, and at what age do parents decide that their kids are ready for flammable clothing. Do you have a little party, like with potty training? Like, "we're not worried you're going to catch on fire anymore?" Dana said that it's some federal regulation. Simple enough. But this lead to my favorite conversation transition in recent memory:

Kim: "I caught on fire once."

At this point I'll mention that no one was hurt in any of these stories, so that makes them funny! Turns out that Kim was welding (I don't know what or why, but since it was Kim it doesn't seem too out of the ordinary) and she felt some heat and smelled smoke. She looked down only to see her shirt aflame. She said her first grade safety training immediately kicked in and all she could think was "Stop, Drop and Roll!" Unfortunately, she soon found that there was no floor space available to roll around in. After a few moments of frantic searching, she ended gave up the hunt and beat the fire out with a glove. She was fine, but apparently it burned though her sweatshirt and t-shirt underneath.

This touched off a slew of fire related stories from the room, which quickly yielded a revelation: Apparently, girls don't play with fire, while it's a standard rite of passage for boys. Ben and I were full of stories, but Kim and Dana's all started with "One time my brother..."

One of Ben's offerings was the time he made a super whipper-snapper. For those that don't spreken zie Mid-Western, I'm referring to those little fireworks that explode when you throw them at the ground or your friends (I've also seen them called "snap pops" or something). In any case, this is something else that I figured everyone tried at some point in life: You unroll a bunch of individual whipper snappers, collect that nice volatile gunpowder mixture, and combine it into a larger mega-snapper. Of course I have done this. But we always put four or five whipper snappers worth into one original casing- not Ben.

Apparently, Ben had a whole box and a free afternoon to work with, so he unrolled a hundred or so of the little guys to collect the magic dust while his parents were out. When he had a sufficient pile, he put in it a kleenex where he attempted to make a whipper snapper that he estimates to be the size of "a small orange."

When he tried to give it the signature twist at the end, he learned that whatever advantage the mega snapper had gained in size had not bought any more stability. Ben said that when he twisted the paper, his brain barely had time to process the powdery grinding sensation before he felt the shockwave of heat, the blinding flash and deafening report.

I think he said he fell over backward in his chair, but when he stood up, ears ringing, he could see through the smoke that he, the walls and the table were covered with spots of carbon-y combustion byproduct. So, he quickly opened all the windows to air out the smoke and signature firework smell and hurriedly cleaned up everything else. He said his parents never found out, which means he did a passable job of cleaning, as well as pretending he could hear what everyone was saying at dinner that night.

So he walked away unscathed. He said the worst part was that he spent all day working on the mega-snapper, only to have it explode unexpectedly before he was done. So that's a lesson to all the kids out there: If you're going to construct a giant whipper-snapper, either keep it small or be really, really careful. And you should probably wear safety goggles as well. And maybe, like, do it in the garage.

I'm in the Washington Freaking Post!

Okay, sort of. Thanks to my last post, I'm getting some internet attention- I didn't even know the Post's website did this, but check it out:
I assure you, if I had known I was going to be the headliner in the "Who's Blogging?" sidebar, in such company as ???? Lovely Kae ???? and Obsidian Potency 3.0, I would have spent way more time on that post (or even mentioned Wilbon's column first). Maybe upwards of 5 minutes. I promise this new found celebrity won't go to my head.

In all seriousness, now that I've read the other blogs I bet they're pretty pissed that I got top billing.

Required Reading

I'm pretty sick of this whole Don Imus / Rutgers incident, so far be it from me to give it any more attention. Of course what he said was wrong and he deserved to be fired, but I'm sort of in the "the more attention we give it the worse it gets" camp. However, I'm not too eloquent with this kind of thing, so I was thrilled to come across this column, which basically sums up how I feel about the whole deal.

Imus isn’t the real bad guy
By JASON WHITLOCK

I always enjoyed Jason Whitlock's writing when he was with ESPN, and I thought this column was very well written. I also like PTI's own Mike Wilbon's column on the topic. Now it can go away.

Something for the Engineers in the Crowd

I'm slightly ashamed to admit how much fun I've been having with this:

Java Applets on Physics

It's a bunch of little java apps that simulate experiments we had to do in high school & college that illustrate various physics principles. Personally, I like the collisions and projectiles the best, but they all appeal to the nerd in me. So there- get your learn on!

And while we're at it, check out The Great Turtle Race. Dana alerted me to this because two of the sponsored turtles are very dear to her: her alma mater Drexel University's Drexelina, and Stephanie Colburtle, in honor of (but not sponsored by) Stephen Colbert (of On Notice fame).

New York to London

You may have already heard about this, but in case you haven't: Check out what you get when you ask Google how to drive from New York City to London. Hint- look at step 23.

I just wonder why they have you swim to Le Havre, France. Wouldn't it be faster to go straight to Portsmouth? Of course, this wouldn't be the first time Google Maps lead me astray.

I hope everyone had a great weekend!

Cars are Stalking Me

Check out what came in the mail the other day- this is the kind of things companies send you when you rent a lot of cars and they way overestimate your importance. In any case, tell me this isn't creepy:
Somehow, the knowledge that thinking about me "revs their engines" makes me feel a little dirty. But you know, the fun didn't stop there! The individual cars sent me snapshots with some little personal notes that may or may not have been swiped from a desperate girl's Match.com profile. Not that I would know.

The Milan has little personality in it's photo- just like in real life.

Traditionalist (def): A car marketed toward senior citizens.

Who decided that the Taurus should write like a kindergartner/axe murderer? Although, oddly enough I always figured that's what the Focus's handwriting would look like.


The Fusion definitely gets the award for being the most aggressive of the bunch.

I fail to see how this was supposed to entice me to rent cars- mostly, it was a waste of paper. But I wanted to take it one step further and do a little handwriting analysis on our specimens here. I found one usable (free) website, and to test it out, this is what it said about me:

You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a social person who likes to talk and meet others.
You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

So, take it's conclusions with a grain of salt. It's probably not worth using the site to analyze our Budget friends. But, this is what my signature looks like when I try to write with the mouse:

Anyway, that's probably the most unsettling personification of cars to ever call me by name. The only thing that would be creepier is if the next Marriott mailer is a snapshot of a Residence Inn that says "I miss having you insi..." You know what? I'll just leave that up to your imagination.

Maryland Winters

I already mentioned that it snowed Friday night. Well, you wouldn't really know it now. I took the picture on the left at 8:00 am, and I took the one on the right at 4:00 pm (both yesterday). I guess that's the main difference (weather-wise- there are so many other ways) between here and the midwest: It does occasionally snow here, but it's gone by the afternoon. And the kids were going nuts! I saw several snowmen in the making, and lots of kids sledding.

Plus, I guarantee you that if it was a weekday, school would have been canceled- even though the snow never actually stuck to the road.

Happy Easter everybody!

Spring Break 2007

The amazing thing is that 2 weeks ago, it was beautiful outside. I was out reading in the hammock and such. And this picture was taken this morning: What is this, Indiana? And it's not like that poor tree doesn't have enough problems with the dang japanese beetles as it is. So do you know what I did this morning? Well, after the 4 or 5 consecutive power outages made my various appliances beep and wake me up (which isn't too bad- it was like 8:00), I went outside to shake the snow off of my poor trees before they broke. I don't even know if that's something you're supposed to do, but there I was. After one good shake (of a big tree) I learned that it was better to use the broom to shake them from far away, because that way the snow doesn't dump right on you and go down your collar. Don't worry folks- I build fighter jets for a living.

For some bonus minutia, here's something I found when I was going through my mail this morning:A warranty expiration in itself is not that odd. What I found curious was that usually they say "Dear Mr. BURGESS the warranty on your 2004 HONDA ACCORD, VIN #XXXXX is about to expire." But on this particular mailing, they want me to tell them my VIN- if they don't already know that, how do they know anything about my car and/or it's warranty? That's when I flipped it over to find the true gem: It was addressed to "Marc Burgess or Current Resident."

Mostly, this makes me sad. This means that this company has learned that they can indiscriminately send out warranty expiration notices, and there are enough paranoid/dumb people out there to fall for it to make it profitable. Ugh.

Further Hot or Not Experiments

Out of curiosity/boredom, I decided to hit up Hot or Not to see how the ladies are liking the beard, since now I have some pictures from the wedding. I decided to post this shot:As of this typing it has a 7.6. Meh.

But more importantly, I remembered an experiment I launched the last time I played around on Hot or Not. The picture of me in my Colts shirt was getting a pretty low score, and Kate said (perhaps jokingly) that maybe people don't like the Colts. So, I posted the same picture twice- once with the logo, once without. The results?

6.3. Mostly 5s, closely followed by 1s. With a few 9s and 10s.

8.0. Mostly 5s, and not a single 9 or 10.

So there you have it. A Colts logo lowers your Hot or Not score by approximately 1.7 points. Draw your own conclusions.

LA is Not, However, a Panini Town

For lunch on Thursday we ate at the Northrop Grumman cafeteria. They had a lot of options, and I decided to go for the Ham and Swiss Panini.

So when it was my turn, I stepped up to the sandwich counter and said "I'll have the ham and swiss panini please." "Okay" said the worker, who grabbed a hoagie bun, sliced it in half and asked "Do you want mayo?" I said "I'm sorry, I wanted the panini." She replied "This is the panini. It's not a panini in the typical sense." I said "Oh... Do you have light mayo?"

So as I walked away with what was clearly a cold, ham & swiss sub on a hoagie bun, I was left wondering in what sense this was a panini. And if you already have a sandwich counter (and menu), why would you make a special column for "Specialty Sandwiches" and bill it as a panini when it was identical to their ham & swiss sub? Probably so they could charge more. I mean hey- it worked on me, right?

A quick Wiki check (that's a wiki Wiki check in Hawaii) tells me that a Panini is plural for Panino, which just means "sandwich" or "bread roll" in Italian. At least dictionary.com backs me up that it's usually toasted. See? You learn something new every day.

Not a panini in the typical sense. Whatever.

LA is a Movie Town

So LA was nice as always, and I got back to Baltimore on Friday, just in time for rush hour. But in the bathroom at LAX I saw what might be the greatest toilet stall graffitti ever written. Luckily I had my trusty camera phone (which I never imagined I would be using in a public restroom):
If you can't make it out (the picture isn't the best), it says "Toy Story 2 was okay." There are many things that strike me as odd about this. First of all, it's about Toy Story 2. Many movies have provoked strong reactions from people- The Passion, Fahrenheit 9/11, but Toy Story 2? I mean, what is so remarkable about this particular film? Evidently, it's okay-ness. I guess I can see taking a sharpie to the wall if you really loved or really hated a movie, but how was someone so forceful with a neutral opinion?

Since the flight from LA to Baltimore takes all freakin' day, I did get to see two movies on the way back. First up was Stranger than Fiction. The verdict? I liked it. It was low-key Will Ferrell, which can be just as funny as Ricky Bobby Will Ferrell. Without spoiling anything, the movie comes down to the writer (Emma Thompson) having to chose between killing off Harold for the sake of the book, or letting him live. Several people weigh in on this, and they seem to agree that the story she's writing is too important (in a very Lady in the Water way), and she should go ahead and bump him off. The only thing is, we've been listening to the story- and it doesn't seem that great. The only interesting part is that Harold can hear the narration, and that's totally external to the book. Not a huge flaw, but it's a little annoying. I definitely recommend the movie.

Next up was Happy Feet. News flash: it was stupid. I understand that it's a kid's movie, but the cuteness can only carry it so far. There was no real "substance." It was kind of like Moulin Rouge, in that it was truly a musical with random music chosen from about the 1970's on. Only instead of actors in highly stylized period dress, you had computer generated dancing penguins- and if that's what you came for, you won't leave disappointed. There were no Christina Aguilera/Pink/Maya/Lil' Kim joints, but it did at least have Fat Joe.

So today I've been doing chores and trying to remember what it's like to go to work at my office. I think I'm here for the week, then gone for two, so I better enjoy it while it lasts. Have a great week everyone!