Bodies / This Weekend

First things first: Spectacular football weekend. The Colts absolutely took apart the Saints, Purdue had a convincing win over the Eastern Illinois School for Wayward Girls, and Notre Dame was humiliated by Penn State. The only game I was able to watch was Indy Thursday night, and though I always enjoy a Colts victory, I hate for it to come at the expense of my boy Drew Brees. What I did like was seeing former Colt Jason David get burned repeatedly- just like he did when he played for Indy!

As for Purdue, I'm not sure how I feel about scheduling games against Football Championship Subdivision (the artist formerly know as Division II) schools. I hate to see Purdue paying the little guys to come in and taking a beating in the name of helping their stats, but on the other hand, everybody does it. Why not take an easy win early in the season? Of course, it doesn't always go as planned.

I spent the weekend in Arlington, and our main activity on Friday was checking out the Bodies exhibit. Ramya had actually suggested it for our second date, but I had put it off, feeling that it was too early to pass out in front of a girl I was trying to impress. But you know what? It was awesome! They really blurred the line between science and art, with all sorts of different specimens opened up to show different aspects. There were many entire bodies, but also smaller things like just an arm or a leg, with enough information for a non-medical type like me to understand without being overwhelmed. My only comment/complaint was that they didn't leave the fat on any of the bodies, which made it look like they were all the remains of triathletes. Because if you think about it, is there really any difference between a fat guy and a buff dude once you remove that layer (remember: non-medical type)? Plus, the image of all that fat clinging to everything could be an effective diet aid.

There was a lady at the end who was answering questions, and since she was wearing white coat I figured she must be some sort of doctor (because they don't just give those things away). When we walked up she let us handle an actual heart and brain. It wasn't gross, because they just felt like the polymer they use to harden the samples. Anyway, I asked her what it would look like if they left the fat on the bodies and if there was anyway to tell how heavy they were during their better days. She sputtered out some nonsense that instantly let us know that for this job you didn't so much need to "be a doctor" as you did "memorize some factoids." Ramya asked if all the bodies were Chinese, and she confirmed that they were. And as we walked away she added "But it is true though- we all look the same on the inside!" Except that we don't...and they actually had an exhibit about how various muscle structures tell you what ethnicity the bodies were. But we knew what she meant.

After obtaining this new found wisdom, we did what anyone would do after examining a bunch of dead bodies: Head across the street for some Chipotle. Halfway through my burrito I realized that I hadn't washed my hands since handling an actual human heart. I said "I hope there's no residue that's going to harden my heart. Or gonna swallow my tears." At this point Ramya looked at me quizzically until I added "Or gonna turn...and...le-heave yooooou heeeeeeeeeere!" at which point she started to realized what she's signed up for. Actually, I was probably in more danger from whatever the kids in front of us had on their grubby little mits when they touched the heart than from the organ itself.

That night we watched a documentary called This Film is Not Yet Rated, which explores the MPAA and how they assign ratings to movies. I liked it, because they really break down how arbitrary and inconsistent the ratings are, and they have decent commentary from several frustrated filmmakers (including Kevin Smith and Matt Stone). They also examine how any hint of sexuality gets you an R or NC-17, but you can skate with as much gratuitous violence as you can cram in (which is exactly the opposite in Europe). Then it derails a little when the director is enraged that the MPAA will not disclose the identities of their raters, so he hires private detectives to stake out the building and follow them. Then they make a big production out of it by saying "The MPAA raters are:" and splaying their names and personal information up on the screen. They do it with a grand sense of self-righteousness, like they've found escaped convicts, and they're doing a great service to all of mankind by bringing them to justice. Which is really the problem with this movie: It thinks it is a very important documentary that should be required watching for all Americans. What's more is that people on Facebook give it five stars and say things like "OUTSTANDING! Everyone should watch this! People need to know what's going on behind closed doors!" Okay, yes. The MPAA is a little sketchy, and studios won't release pictures that have NC-17 ratings, so in turn filmmakers feel censored. But come on- it's not like we're talking about global warming or political corruption. Still, it's interesting if you're a movie buff.

We rounded out the weekend with a ride on the Mt. Vernon trail, which was really, really nice. We thought maybe we'd go all the way from Ramya's place to the end, but that quickly proved to be way to ambitious. We did make it to old town though, and all in all it was a nice ride. Ramya's doing really well for a newbie! We'll definitely be doing it again.

There's more, but this is getting long. I'll finish with my favorite quote of the weekend:
Marc: "How many feet are in a mile?"
Ramya (instantly): "Three. Wait...that's a yard. "
This is a good time to point out that Ramya is perfectly smart- I just like that for a split second, her brain thought perhaps three feet being a mile was reasonable. By the way, 5280 Feet= 1 Mile.

For the rest of this week I'm off to New Orleans, where I'm going to try to not touch anything and get out of there as soon as possible. Then this weekend: Rehoboth Beach!

Notes from La-la-wood

In case anyone was wondering, yes- it is beautiful in LA. It’s been in the low 70s, perfectly sunny, not humid at all, a nice breeze, the whole deal. Sometimes the great weather makes you realize why people put up with all the annoyances of California and mortgage their whole life to live here. I wouldn’t, but I can see the appeal. Also, this is the first time I’ve been here for work in the summer. Every morning the lobby is full of tour groups wearing their matching shirts or hats, bound for Disneyland of Hollywood while I head off for another day of PowerPoint- but I’m not bitter. Because it’s 103 degrees with 85% humidity at home. Anyway.

So last weekend was pretty fun. Ramya and I pretty much just watched movies, and taste in cinema is one of the many ways we seem to not be so much “compatible” as we are “the same person.” For a quick rundown, we watched:

• Hot Shots! Part Deux- Always a winner. As I said before, I consider this the finest movie of the “Airplane” genre. Back during my freshman year of college when I lived with Brad and didn’t have cable, this was one of the 4 videos in our possession. I can honestly say that I have seen it at least 50 times. That might not seem like much in this great world of hyperbole, but think about it- we watched it at least 2 or 3 times a week that first semester, then it tapered off. Anyway, Ramya’s evaluation was “That was kind of dumb,” which means I did a poor job of explaining the movie beforehand.
• Evan Almighty- I deemed this a rental, but it was playing at the base theatre, and Ramya loves Steve Carrell, so we gave it a shot. Her first comment after the movie was “I’m sorry.” I mean, it was pretty bad. The jokes weren’t funny, and it seemed like the movie had a point, but it didn’t know what it was. Plus, we had some really annoying people around us in the theatre, most notably the woman behind us who had to comment on everything. Lame comments like “Oh no!” and “What now?” All through the movie God (Morgan Freeman in what I’m sure was a contractually obligated role) tells Evan to perform acts of random kindness. Then, at the end when Evan asks why he was supposed to do this all, God tells him “I told you- perform Acts…of Random…Kindness” while writing ARK in the dirt with a stick. That pretty much summed up the film. Ramya and I rolled our eyes at each other while the lady behind us said “Oh! A, R, K!” as though now it all made sense.
• Borat- Everyone loved this movie, and Target had it for $8, so I bought it unseen (which I try not to do, but c’mon- 8 freakin’ dollars). I enjoyed it, but mostly because Sacha Baron Cohen is remarkably quick and funny on his feet. Unfortunately though, I’m not comfortable re-printing any of the funny jokes. But it also had that Tom Green-ish quality of “Let’s laugh at the people who aren’t in on the joke” that always makes me feel awkward by proxy, so if that bothers you, stay away.
• Trekkies- Howard had a roommate that once said “Whenever I’m feeling lame and down on myself, I pop Trekkies in the VCR and think ‘Ah…my life is okay.’” It’s a documentary about people who loves them some Star Trek, and I think it should be a lesson in moderation for us all. They profile several fans who love Star Trek more than I love Transformers, Purdue, Nintendo, GI Joe and cherry bites combined, including a dentist whose entire office is Trek-themed and who requires all his employees to dress up as different characters. My favorite fan was “The Commander,” a woman who created a dork media circus by wearing her Star Trek uniform to court while serving jury duty. Her rationale was “If I was in the Army, I would wear my Army uniform,” and since she was the commander of her local Star Trek chapter, she figured that was pretty much the same thing. Okay, while I don’t agree, I guess I can see her point. If you have adopted a sci-fi television show’s uniform as your own, that’s one thing. But at some point you have to look at the phaser and tricorder on your belt (which she always wears- even when not in uniform) and think “I’m deciding the fate of another human being while wearing not one, but two children’s toys.” Long story short, I definitely recommend the film.
• The Simpson’s Movie- Yes, it was basically a two-hour episode of a show you can watch for free on television. But, it’s still worth seeing, if only as a rental. They did take the opportunity to push it a little further and do things they couldn’t do on the air, but it was basically what you’d expect, including several quotable lines. They managed to work in just about every side character, except (As Ramya pointed out) Apu, who is a total cornerstone (in addition to being Ramya’s favorite- and I’m sure we’ll discuss how a total Indian immigrant stereotype is an Indian girl’s favorite character at length later). If you’re a fan of the show, check it out, but feel free to wait and Netflix it.
• Transformers- We didn't watch this, but I thought of something else. If they have all this advanced technology, why does Bumblebee have to signal the other Transformers with a Batsignal-like Autobot logo projected in the air? Shouldn’t they have a better and more discreet way to do this, like some sort of transponder or GPS? It’s just one more thing that doesn’t add up.

So tomorrow I head for home (on a 6:00 am flight- eewww) where I should remain for about two weeks before heading back out. Ramya informed me that this is restaurant week in DC, which means all the fancy eateries are giving massive discounts. So we have a reservation at Ruth’s Chris at 9:30 tomorrow, which Ramya will tell you is basically my bedtime (and she’s not exaggerating too much)- but to get a three-course steak dinner for $30 I’m totally willing to shift my schedule. Then Saturday we’re planning to do something touristy in DC, but we don’t know what yet. Any suggestions?

Have a great weekend!

Transformers Sucked. There. I Said It.

Okay, hopefully everyone has seen Transfomers by now. If you haven't, and you don't want any spoilers/downers, don't read this post! The thing is, I really, really wanted to like this movie, but I thought it was awful. Before I saw it I was cautiously optimistic- I knew it was going to be a departure from the toys and the cartoons I loved so dearly as a kid, so I planned to enjoy it as a separate entity. The problem is that other than the special effects, there wasn't a whole lot to like.

This opinion has made me an outcast among my peers. Everyone seems to love the film, even my friend Mike who is the biggest Transformers fan I know- he was 100% determined to hate the new movie, and he loved it! It wasn't until Carly and Daniel called me to share their disappointment that I started to feel better. Honestly, I felt like I was taking crazy pills. What was everyone else seeing that I missed? In any case, here are a few of the items that ruined my enjoyment of the movie:

1. In the original cartoon, the Transformers had one alternate vehicle they could change into. In the movie, they can scan anything they want and transform into new vehicles at will. That's fine, if they stick with the premise. But in the heat of battle, is a Camaro or Solstice really the best choice when all the enemies are jets and tanks? That just didn't make sense. Speaking of which, if they can turn into anything they want (including advanced Cybertronian space craft) why do they have to result to crash landings that destroy baseball stadiums?



2. So in turn, these robots can automatically reconfigure themselves into whatever devices they want. And yet Bumblebee's vocal circuits are damaged so he can't speak- and no one can figure out how to fix them. So, why can't they just regenerate like every other time they get damaged? And if they are damaged beyond repair, why can he all the sudden talk at the end? Mike theorized that his vocal circuits were repaired when he touched the cube, the way Frenzy (the boombox guy) was. Okay, but then why did he still wait several hours to talk?



3. "Okay, we have this all-mighty cosmic artifact, and the fate of the world rests on getting it to the top of this building immediately. Who should take it up there? Not you, giant warrior robots. Not you, platoon of combat Marines. Ummm...You! 16 year old boy!" Though in his defense, he did really haul up there.



4. When Prime is fighting Bonecrusher (the military truck Decepticon) he decapitates him with a blade that pops out of his wrist (which was awesome, by the way). So, where was that the rest of the movie? Weren't there about a hundred other times that would've come in handy?



5. They explain in the beginning that the Cube creates life, but some life forms choose to be evil, while some choose to be good. So why did every new transformer created in the movie (Cell phone, X-box, Mountain Dew machine) instantly start attacking everyone? Were they upset about being shameless marketing tie-ins? If they were, tell it to the poor Autobots, who were all stuck being GM products (sorry Andy).



6. It didn't seem like they knew who they were making this movie for- there was death and profanity, yet it was full of immature fart and masturbation jokes and juvenille dialog. This came to a head during the excruciatingly bad scene in which the kids are looking for the glasses while the Autobots hide outside. Why couldn't they have just stayed transformed out on the street? It already felt like the Transformers were only in token scenes in the movie, so how come in one of them I have to listen to the mom saying "We could call it 'Sam's happy time'" and Ironhide asking "Can I eliminate the parents?" while Prime responds "No Ironhide, we do not harm humans, remember?" It was hard to make it through that sequence without clawing out my eyeballs. And speaking of which...



7. At one point Bunblebee flips up a cap on his crotch, and pees lubricant on one of the governments agents. This was that point where the movie became like a troubled relative: I wasn't angry at it for doing dumb things anymore- I was now simply disappointed in the choices it made. Really, Transformers? You're resorting to robot pee humor? I expected more from you. I...I can't look at you right now.



8. And then, in the final shot, we see Sam and Michaela making out on the hood of his car...WHICH IS BUMBLEBEE. They are making out on top of a sentient being WHILE ALL THE OTHER AUTOBOTS WATCH. I can't be the only one who thinks that's creepy.

Transformers is one of the many movies that makes me think I should move to Hollywood and become a "common sense consultant." Seriously- Just let me run through your script to screen out lame dialogue and robot pee humor before you spend billions of dollars making the movie. Loads of movies have correctable mistakes- like The One (Jason Statham's American accent stunk, so give up on it) or The Forgotten (Easily the most troubling good movie with a terrible ending-change it)- that I'm amazed no one in the business can figure out. I know there's more- feel free to leave other ones in the comments!

I think the easiest fix for Transformers would have been to make it a kid's movie. If that's what it was, lots of these things would have been forgiven. It's almost as though that's what they were shooting for, but then at the last minute they decided to beef it up to R, then backed it up to PG-13 to maximize profits (which I'm sure it did). Unfortunately they were left with a movie that just didn't fit together. That's the main problem- inconsistency. You want to change the entire premise of Transformers? Fine. But you have to stick with it.

I liked both Bad Boys movies, even though they weren't actually "good." Still, after The Island I thought Michael Bay might have the chops to pull this movie off (plus, let's not forget the legendary The Rock). But instead of making it to Bryan Singertown, it looks like he's headed for Brett Ratnerville.

Word Verification

I'm about to head out the door, but here's a quick Blogger note. You know how you have to do that word verification thing to leave a comment? Check out the one I got the other day:
Seriously? I have now idea what that's supposed to be. Obviously I didn't get it right (I deleted the question mark) so the world may never know.

I'm actually heading out toward Dulles early (my flight is at 9:47 pm), because we discovered long ago that you're much better off going to Tysons Corner before rush hour, killing some time at the mall, then heading to the airport rather than fighting traffic. I think Shelley and I are going to see Ratatouille, because I didn't get to see it last week like I planned.

Speaking of which, I did get to see Transformers and Live Free or Die Hard. Transformers was worth seeing, especially if you're a fan like me. I was surprised by how childish some of the humor was, and yet there was also violence and profanity. It was kind of like they couldn't decide who the intended audience was. I was disappointed, but it was still a nice spectacle and I recommend checking it out. Die Hard, on the other hand, exceeded my expectations in every way. I thought it was going to be one of those cop-out, just to make money sequels, but it was a really fun movie. They went all out, and it's quite possibly the best one of the series. They even have a nice scene involving the JSF (sorry, I mean the "Lightning II"). It's not quite right, and they could've talked to me for like 2 minutes and fixed about 5 glaring errors, but what are you gonna do? Only a real dork like me would notice. But if they're going to spend millions of dollars on a scene, why don't they start with a simple internet search to check the facts? This is another reason I should be a consultant in Hollywood- the first being to screen out horrible dialog.

Allright, I better run. If anyone's wondering what the weather in Wolverhampton is going to be the next few days, it looks a little like this: rain, cloudy, light rain, rain. In other words, just like always. I'll update you next weekend!

LA is a Movie Town

So LA was nice as always, and I got back to Baltimore on Friday, just in time for rush hour. But in the bathroom at LAX I saw what might be the greatest toilet stall graffitti ever written. Luckily I had my trusty camera phone (which I never imagined I would be using in a public restroom):
If you can't make it out (the picture isn't the best), it says "Toy Story 2 was okay." There are many things that strike me as odd about this. First of all, it's about Toy Story 2. Many movies have provoked strong reactions from people- The Passion, Fahrenheit 9/11, but Toy Story 2? I mean, what is so remarkable about this particular film? Evidently, it's okay-ness. I guess I can see taking a sharpie to the wall if you really loved or really hated a movie, but how was someone so forceful with a neutral opinion?

Since the flight from LA to Baltimore takes all freakin' day, I did get to see two movies on the way back. First up was Stranger than Fiction. The verdict? I liked it. It was low-key Will Ferrell, which can be just as funny as Ricky Bobby Will Ferrell. Without spoiling anything, the movie comes down to the writer (Emma Thompson) having to chose between killing off Harold for the sake of the book, or letting him live. Several people weigh in on this, and they seem to agree that the story she's writing is too important (in a very Lady in the Water way), and she should go ahead and bump him off. The only thing is, we've been listening to the story- and it doesn't seem that great. The only interesting part is that Harold can hear the narration, and that's totally external to the book. Not a huge flaw, but it's a little annoying. I definitely recommend the movie.

Next up was Happy Feet. News flash: it was stupid. I understand that it's a kid's movie, but the cuteness can only carry it so far. There was no real "substance." It was kind of like Moulin Rouge, in that it was truly a musical with random music chosen from about the 1970's on. Only instead of actors in highly stylized period dress, you had computer generated dancing penguins- and if that's what you came for, you won't leave disappointed. There were no Christina Aguilera/Pink/Maya/Lil' Kim joints, but it did at least have Fat Joe.

So today I've been doing chores and trying to remember what it's like to go to work at my office. I think I'm here for the week, then gone for two, so I better enjoy it while it lasts. Have a great week everyone!

The Devils Wears Lame

I know I haven't blogged anything in a while. Let's see, I've been on travel for the last few weeks- first in Grand Rapids, and then this week is a dual-trip. Tuesday we had a meeting in Ft. Worth, and today we head to L.A. for a meeting Thursday. This is probably one of those things that sounds cool, but actually isn't. In any case, I haven't had much down time for the blogging.

One sort of typical thing was that the movie on the plane on the way here was The Devil Wears Prada. I was just going to read and sleep, but I thought "Hey, we'll give Amazon a chance here. maybe they do know their stuff." So I watched it.

And you know what? I did not like it. Not one bit. I'm not going to spoil it for you (and I say this ironically, because you can see a commercial for it, take a guess how the movie goes, and I would give you a 92% chance that you're exactly right) but it's your standard "good-person-works-for-horrible-yet-successful-person-and-must-chose-between-happiness-and-success-while-becoming-someone-you-hate story. Only this time, it's set against the world of fashion, with satchel-loads of designer references and cameos, all of which mean nothing to me.

Tangent! I hate fashion. As a rule, I hate any self-sustaining industry. We're led to believe that we must have new clothes all the time. Why do we need new clothes? Because the old ones are out of style. Why are they out of style? Because the fashion industry says so. So who do we buy the new clothes from? The FASHION INDUSTRY. The same people we bought the old clothes from, which they are now telling us are out of style! They've made a multi-billion dollar industry out of keeping people on their toes and never letting them be happy for more than one "season." Am I the only one who sees the vicious cycle? No matter what you buy now, in a few months they're going to tell you it's no good so you'll buy something else. I'm telling you, it is the world's biggest scam. The entire industry, nay, concept of fashion is one of those things that if it suddenly disappeared, in a year no one would remember why we cared about it in the first place. Like MTV. But I digress.

So the entirety of The Devil Wears Prada is spent watching poor Anne Hathaway's life be slowly destroyed by her awful boss, while she keeps putting up with it. It's actually a little heartbreaking to watch. All I could think the whole time was "For the love of God, quit!" Which, incidentally, is what all her friends in the movie keep saying (while she turns her back on them). I don't like watching movies that stress me out. I usually like to see a movie twice before passing judgement on it, but I can't imagine ever watching that again. It's tough to watch, not very funny, and you get the meagerest of payoffs at the end. I know people loved that movie, but I honestly can't see why.

Now again, I hate fashion and I have a Y chromosome, so I realize this movie was not for me. Hence I watched it on a plane. Okay, now I have to pack for flight #2 this week.