Mat Skills

A few weeks ago I bought some ancient sheet music of Hail Purdue, and I want to frame it for my ridiculous Purdue room. But when it arrived, I could see that it was pulled from a book of school songs- so not only was it a weird size that I couldn't find a frame for, but Hail Purdue only covered a page and a half. The last half page is the Penn State Alma Mater. So, since there's no way I would hang a framed Penn State song in my house (not even in the bathroom) I needed to get a mat cut.

Now, my Dad has all sorts of mat-making supplies at his house, so it kills me to order them from Michael's, but that was sort of my only option. I placed my order, and a few days ago they called me to say that it was in (mat cutting is apparently so tricky it must be out sourced). It was to be 3 cuts: One whole page, one half page, and the remaining space would have a hole for a Purdue themed 3x5 to be named later.

So today during a hellacious errand session I stopped in to pick it up. They said "Name?" I replied "Marc Burgess." They handed me the mat wrapped up in some nice protective cardboard. Here's some foreshadowing for you: My brain yelled "Open it up and check it! Do it now!" But I thought, no, it looks like the right general size, it has my name on it, and I don't have the music with me to check it anyway. So away I went.

At home, I opened the package, aflutter with anticipation, and this is what was inside:

An 11x14 pink suede mat with a 1/2 inch square cutout in the center. Not exactly what I had in mind. Wondering how such a grandiose error could have happened, I re-examined the package. It clearly said "Customer: Marv Burgess." Ah hah. So the answer is that this is some one else's mat. I guess it was an honest enough mistake, being that the name is only one letter off, but this raises a bigger question: What exactly is Marv framing? A postage stamp? A bug on a pin like at the Smithsonian?

After a few minutes of cursing myself for not looking at it in the store, I set out to exchange it for the proper mat. Keep in mind that Michael's is on the other end of town, and it's a solid 20 minute drive. But it's Sunday, and I'd already worked out and went to Target. What else was I going to do?

I get back to the mat counter and wait for service. Here's a tangent: there's no bell or anything, so you just have to stand there at the counter until someone in the back framing area notices you. I guess you could clear your throat loudly or say "Hey" or something, but then you seem like an impatient jerk. When they happen to notice you in passing, you're always greeted the same way "Do you need something?" I say "Yes, I have a problem with a mat" when what I want to say is "No, I just like standing at a counter in the back of a crafts store." Anyway, back on track.

So the same girl that gave me the mat this morning comes out and asks what I need. I say "I picked this up this morning, but I think it's someone else's order." She asks "Did you look at it?" I say "Yes, and it has a different name and order number on the package." So opens it up and thoughtfully examines it, and asks "So what's wrong with it?" "Pretty much everything, from my perspective- It's the wrong size, wrong material and color, and the wrong cut. It is in fact someone else's mat that I was given by mistake" I replied, foolishly thinking I had made a bullet-proof argument. She thinks for a second too long and asks "So...you need a new cut in it?" This is one of many exchanges in Southern Maryland that make me wonder, am I speaking English? I mean, I can understand what she's saying. I said "No, this is the wrong mat order. I'd like you to take this and see if you have the mat I ordered in the back room. I'm not entirely sure what this mat could be used for." She once again looks it over and says in a slow manner "I...need to...ask someone a question" and flees to the back room. In a few minutes she returns to inform me of the only way this story could end- Marv has my mat. They need to call him and see if they can get mine back, or just order me a new one. They'll call me when they have it in. On the plus side, she did find out that Marv is making a clock with this, so that's one mystery down.

That was the worst part of horrible errand day, but the weekend still gets an A+. Erica came down on Friday, and I showed her season 1 of The Office, and she agreed that it was a fantastic show. That makes 2 television programs that we both watch, effectively doubling pop culture references I can make. We had dinner at a local Italian place and it was good times all around. Saturday I went with friends to a free sneak preview of 300, and to quote my buddy Liam, "It rocked so hard I almost had to cut my own head off." All in all, good times. And next time I'm checking the mat before I leave the store.