More Travel

When I woke up this morning, my first thought was "I wonder what's for breakfast this morning. I hope there's waffles." Then I realized that I'm at home, not in a hotel somewhere. I've slept in my own bed thrice in the last 14 nights, but one of those was home at 10:30 pm, leave for the airport at 8:00 am. And it's not like I've been gone on one big trip- it's been 4 trips is the past 2 weeks. That's 6 commutes to airports (for at least 90 minutes a pop), 4 nights at my parent's house, 7 nights in 3 different hotels (all Residence Inns), and 10 flights on 10 different planes (including one puddle jumper that older than any of it's passengers). I'm not really complaining- I've had worse, and plus I've been able to visit family twice in there.

But I know you're thinking "Hey Marc, what really ticks you off about air travel?" Okay, I'll tell you. First, the baggage claim. The logical way to claim your bags from the clothes-snagging-accident-waiting-to-happen-yet-people-still-sit-on-it conveyor would be for everyone to stand about 3 feet back so everyone can see, wait until you spot your bag, step up, retrieve it, and be on your way. But what happens? Everyone wants to stand with their shins touching the rotunda, up so close that they form an impenetrable wall that makes it impossible to see what bags are currently available. This forces the second tier people to continuously push through to claim a spot where they can see and/or retrieve their luggage. This was especially pronounced on my recent Midwest Airlines flight, which had a really small baggage claim for a pretty full flight.

And it doesn't stop there. Several alpha travelers really, really want to get their bag quickly, so they try to cluster at the point in the claim where the bags come out of the little chute. However bad the crowd is around the rest of the carousel, it's much worse there. In the meantime, I have taken up my usual post, and the dead other end, where it's not so crowded. But "Oh," you say, "Doesn't it take longer to get your bag because you have to wait for it to come all the way around?" At the aforementioned mini-claim, I actually clocked it. It took under 45 seconds to make a complete revolution. All that pushing and shoving to save less than a minute.

And then, when I get out to the shuttle stop, who's already there waiting? That's right: all the jerks who were creating a stampede trying to get their bag first. This is where we find the other annoyance: complete incompetence in boarding the shuttle bus. I mean, you follow the signs to the stop. At Washington Reagan, they say:

Airport Shuttle Stop
Economy Parking
Garage Parking
Rental Cars

During high traffic times, there's an attendant that stands at the stop. When you approach, they ask you "Economy, Garage, or Rental Cars?" I know where to go, but the poor guy's just doing his job, so I indulge him and say "Economy." He tells me "Okay, get on the bus that says 'Economy Parking.'" DUH! What's sad is that the airport has determined that enough travelers can't handle this task on their own that they pay someone to babysit people and practically lead them by the hand to the correct bus. When the shuttles come by, they have big, illuminated signs that describe in no uncertain terms where the bus is headed. So I get on my shuttle.

It takes a while for everyone to get settled, and of course there's the one older, jerky couple who can't imagine putting their luggage on the rack by the door where it might be out of arm's reach, so they insist on carrying it all back to their seats, which takes at least 2 baggage claim revolutions. Once we're all packed in (I swear the guy next to me was half on my lap), the driver says "Is everyone going to the Economy lot?" Jerky old luggage toter says "Wait, Economy? We need to go to Rental Cars!" ARRRRRRRRGH. I die a little inside as he struggles to get his luggage back out. How did he make it through the multiple levels of screening? The busses freaking say where they're going on every side! And this isn't rare- it happens all the time. As Jerky shuffles out he gets in his parting dig, saying "Well the sign said this is where the Rental Car shuttle stops!" The sign says this is where they ALL stop! Jeeze, what do you do- go to the bus stop and hop in the first car that goes by? When you flew here, did you try to get on the first plane you saw? Note to people everywhere: You may occasionally have to look around and make a decision. That is all.

Totally unrelated fun fact I came across just now: If we adjust for inflation, minimum wage today is half of what it was in 1968.