Am I a Rookie?

I'm blogging from Ft. Worth, Texas today, where it is freakin' freezing. I went back to Michigan and Indiana for the holidays, and did not see a flake of snow. When I returned home to Maryland, it was 70 degrees. It was 65 when I took off in DC yesterday, and when I stepped off the plane at DFW it was...20. This is the coldest I've been since I don't know when, and I'm in Texas! Come to think of it, the last snow I saw was here in early December. It's just wacky.

My point is that I was reading the American Airlines magazine on the plane yesterday, and it was their annual "Road Warrior" issue, where they profile people who travel a lot. As a quick sidebar, I had no idea that you could read American Way online until I googled it just now. People barely want to read it on the plane- who would seek it out on the web? If you have internet access you should be able to find a better way to kill time.

So anyway, they profile the top 5 road warriors. The winner took 50 trips this year, for a total of 228 days on the road. Yeah, okay, she wins. But the next guy listed "20 to 30" for 115. First of all, if you're such a pro, how do you not know how many trips you've taken? At this point I'll mention that except for 2006, I've averaged 26 trips a year for at least 100 days on the road, and that's not counting personal travel, so I've got this dude beat. The others were 31-322, 22-100 (amateur), and fifth place was 12 trips for 65 days! Are you kidding me? I could do that on one program! Obviously, my next question is "how do I sign up?" because they win some pretty good prizes.

The thing I was planning to write about was the How to Spot a Rookie Traveler feature. Travelers submitted the common (and annoying) things that inexperienced travelers do in the airport, like not knowing what group is boarding or not having their ID ready. But, I took exception to a few. Like:

Those who travel with black luggage, the same color as 90 percent of all the other people’s on the flight. I have black bags, because luggage comes in two colors: black and gay. I can, however, tell which bags are mine from other clues.

Doesn’t spring for the GPS system in his rental car. Why would I do that? I travel so much that I already know where I'm going. Of course, that could be because I always go to the same three places.

The lack of a BlackBerry/PDA phone. Oh- I hate these people. The ones who are so important that they have to check their e-mail every 3 minutes. These are the same ones talk on their $500 smart phone until the stewardess tells them they have to stop and the first ones to start yakking when we land an hour later.

Still call them stewardesses. Bite me.

I did really agree with some, like "Wears high-heeled shoes." No fake- who does that! That still irritates me every time.

Tomorrow I'm off to New Jersey, them I should be home Friday. Hopefully it's a little warmer there.