Best Place?

This is really getting out of hand. Here's a little backstory, to set the scene:

About 4 years ago I took my company's college recruiter training. This was so I could go on trips to various universities (hopefully Purdue) and stand around at a kiosk and do first pass interviews of prospective employees. I figure, I went through enough job fairs, why not see it from the other side? Anyway, during the training they told us to really hype up the fact that Lexington Park was rated the #1 best place to live in the Mid-Atlantic region. I raised my hand and asked "Whoa whoa, who rated this the best place to live?" Turns out it was a respectable magazine (that I can't remember now), and we all thoroughly researched it later. It turns out that they ranked cities based on median income, average house prices, percentage of people with college degrees, etc. Basically it was one big computer error, because let me tell you: if you talk to 10 people who live here, 9 of them hate it and can't wait to leave, and the other one is a local who can't wait for the transplants to leave. I informed the training instructors that I would not tell anyone that this is a great place to live for fear of future retribution after they move. Oddly enough I never got sent on any recruiting trips.

So yesterday, this article makes the rounds on e-mail:
Business Journal's "Dreamtowns that offer refuge from big cities and congested suburbs."

I'll sum it up for you: BizJournal analyzed 140 places outside of major metropolitan areas, or as they put it "The answer is provided by a new bizjournals analysis of 140 micropolitan areas. It identifies America's 10 "dreamtowns," the small towns that offer the best quality of life without metropolitan hassles."

Their #3 "Dreamtown?" Lexington Park, MD.

How does this happen? The article says "The highest scores went to well-rounded places with light traffic, healthy economies, moderate costs of living, impressive housing stocks, strong educational systems, and easy access to big-city attractions." If you live here, you're probably laughing in disbelief right now. Let's look at them one by one:

Light Traffic: Have you ever tried to get anywhere between 3 and 6 pm? There's one freaking road in this county, and everyday it is backed up beyond belief.
Healthy Economy: There is one, and only one source of money flowing into the county: the Navy base. The good old boy zoning board has made every effort to ensure we have to leave the county to spend our money.
Moderate Cost of Living: I'm sorry, I'm almost laughing too hard to type. It's probably cheaper than New York, but tell that to the thousands of upper 20-something college grads who can't afford a townhouse on two salaries.
Impressive Housing Stocks: Well, there are plenty of empty lots if you've got half a mil to blow.
Strong Educational Systems: Everyone I work with that has kids either deliberately lives in a neighboring county or sends their kids to the private schools. The schools are notoriously bad.
Easy Access to Big City Attractions: Okay, DC is a reasonable drive. We'll get to that later.

As my coworker Dan pointed out, I'd like to see how many other "Dreamtowns" don't have a movie theatre, a mall, an Olive Garden, a sporting goods store, a book store. I mean, whoever put together this list has clearly never set foot in St. Mary's County, let alone spent a week here.

If you click on the slide show, you are presented with this picture and the quick facts about the area, including:
Quality of life
Strengths: Lexington Park sits along placid Chesapeake Bay. Hectic Washington is farther away, yet still within commuting distance. The result is a community that blends small-town and suburban qualities. Lexington Park's median household income is the highest in micropolitan America.
Location: Southern Maryland, southeast of Washington
Closest major metropolitan area: Washington, 48 air miles
Quick stats
Area population: 98,854
Population growth since 2000: 14.6%
Average commuting time: 26.6 minutes
Median household income: $71,158
Homeownership rate: 71.9%
Median house value: $322,000
Adults with bachelor's degrees: 24.4%

I'm going to go with my statistical error theory. Sure, based on those facts alone, it seems great. But look at the picture we get! Other dreamtowns show shots of charming downtowns, with rolling hills in the background. We get a church garden. The true irony is that this church is in the worst part of town, between two ghettos and across the street from a strip club and a seedy motel. As my coworker Barry put it "The photographer probably had to dodge bullets to get that picture."

But the hits don't stop there. Apparently Outsider Magazine rated Washington DC as "The #1 Best Town in America." As they said on Fark "They must be confused about the definition of 'town.' And 'best.'"

Maybe I am confused, and this place is really some sort of Utopia that I should cherish living in. But I don't. I don't hate hate it, but I certainly don't like it. I share the same opinion with almost all of my coworkers: It's livable, but we really look forward to the day we leave. It's not the worst place, but it's certainly no #3!