Adventures in Yard Work

These last two days I have been doing something that I think I've only once in the last 5 years: I have been working over the weekend. I know, I know- you're all like "But wait, you work for the government!" Believe it or not, we have been super busy lately. I'm making overtime for it, but still- it's weird. Friday hit and I was all "Woo-hoo! The weekend...oh, right." It sort of takes the thrill out of it. At least I can work from home on my work laptop.

I was able to make time for chores as well, though. It's lawn growing season, and while it wasn't the knee-high masterpiece that greeted me when I came home after three weeks away last weekend, there was plenty to be done. This morning I was out trimming the hedges and I had a fun encounter:

There I am, clipping away, and two women were loitering around the mailbox that's across the street from my house. I've seen them before- they're older and look semi-homeless, but they must live here. At some point I hear a shout: "You smoke?" I look around, and the block is empty except for the three of us, and one of the women is looking at me. "I'm sorry?" I say (I didn't really hear what she said). She yells again "You smoke?" I say "Oh, no. Sorry!" and go back to my clipping.

My first reaction was one of sadness- what is this poor woman's situation in life where she's yelling across the street to strangers for a cigarette? Plus, not even a porch sitter- someone who's obviously busy doing something. At this point in my cognitive process the pity turned to annoyance. It's like wait, I'm clearly out here wielding power tools and you're going to interrupt me to bum a smoke? And you're going to do it by screaming from across the street? Plus, I was wearing a t-shirt and gym shorts. Clearly I don't have any cigarettes on me. How did this go in the lady's mind? She could hang out be the mailbox, yell to a stranger who's busy in his own lawn, and I would drop what I'm doing, run in the house, get her a cigarette and probably a light, run across the street to deliver it to her, then return to my business of tidying up my yard? I mean really. But wait for it...

A few minutes have passed- now I'm raking up the bush clippings while the ladies are still hanging out right across the street. As I'm raking, I hear another shout: "You got any change?" I figure I must have heard her wrong. I say "Excuse me?" She repeats "Got any change?" I reply semi-politely "Sorry...no."

Oh. My. God. We have just jumped up a notch, people. We have hit the point where people will come up to you at your own home while you are clearly busy with your own business and bellow out a request for loose change. I was astounded! Plus, this raises so many questions! Are these ladies homeless? I mean, they were getting mail out of a mail slot, so it would seem they have a house in the neighborhood. And this is a nice middle class neighborhood, too. How do you live here, yet still feel destitute enough to yell to a stranger to ask for money? I can't type fast enough to list all the rants that are building in my mind.

Not only that, but there was no pretense. There are few things in life that I hate more than panhandlers, but at least they usually give you a sob story first. And it's usually in a public place, like the mall or gas station (why always the gas station? Probably because it helps the believability of the "I filled up my car but oops don't have cash on me" story line). It takes a really ballsy panhandler to approach a busy person at their own home and interrupt them to yell for cigarettes, and then after being denied make a second request for money. I still don't think I have fully comprehended it yet.

So while we're on the topic, a few weekends ago we were in DC a few blocks from Ramya's apartment and we were approached by a dirty man carrying a gas can. He was of course asking for money so he could buy some gas to get home. I said my standard "Sorry, no" and we kept on walking. Ramya felt a little bad, because what if he really did need help? I thought that while the gas can was a nice prop, we needed to look at the context clues. First, where was he supposedly going from/to? We were on an upscale residential cul de sac (surrounded by multi-million dollar condos, no less) with no gas stations for a couple blocks. If he was walking to the gas station, he was going the wrong way. If he did walk toward a commercial area he would find plenty of gas, ATMs, phones, etc. Plus, where did he get the gas can? Are we supposed to think he just happened to have it with him? If he runs out of gas often enough to carry a gas can at all times he needs to make some changes anyway. Alas, you don't usually know for sure if they're scamming you.

Except a few weeks ago in LA. Shelley and I were filling up our rental car before taking it back, and a man came up to Shelley to ask for money. He had quite the elaborate story about the car breaking down, and he called the tow truck, but they only take cash and he's ten dollars short. It was odd because he looked like a regular guy in a suit, and he even went so far as to point out that his wife and kids were in the Denny's across the street waiting for the tow truck (obviously we couldn't see them, but he was like "They're right there! In that window!"). Anyway, Shelley stayed strong and gave him an excellent "Sorry no" and went about her business. He wandered back to the curb, which was the first sign- the gas station was crawling with people, and if you're really that desperate for money, why only ask one person? Why not use the ATM in the gas station, since you've said the problem is that you need cash? But here's the best part: in about 10 seconds the city bus pulls up to the curb. He gets on it and speeds away. He didn't even stick around for the second wind guilt to set in. He made his attempt at free cash, then gives up and leaves. Was he just waiting for the bus, and then decided to attempt a little swindling to pass the time? Plus, pick a different cover story! So now you're taking off and leaving the wife and kids at Denny's to wait for the tow truck they can't pay for? How do these people sleep at night?

Anyway, hopefully it'll stop raining soon and I can finish up the hedges without the panhandlers.